i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
