Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
