god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
