You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
