omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
