Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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