There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize