Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
