I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
