I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two words: nipple clamps
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