How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
