Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think my moral compass just broke
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
