I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
