i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
