i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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