my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
