fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
