you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
