dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize