Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
