I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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