Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize