I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
