Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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