Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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