Pants 0. Shit 1.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
