I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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