We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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