We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
