she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
