well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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