she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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