At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
