I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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