Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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