Already got asked if we're dating
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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