I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
