Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
