so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
