..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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