he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize