WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
