I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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