I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
