At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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