ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize