My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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