Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This toilet bowl is my home.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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