she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
