there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
