hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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