yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
