Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
