I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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