I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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