i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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