i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
