I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
