Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
