Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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