He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's always time for handjobs
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
