Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
