Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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