And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
