If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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