I must be too annoying 4 u.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize