woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
