I got chris browned last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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