At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
