i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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