I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
