If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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